"What we love to do and why!"
"We shape
our self to fit
this world and
by the world
are shaped
again"
David Whyte
Creative Change Conferences
"What we love to do and why!"
altarboyalteredlife.com
ithappenstoboys.org
Links to Other sites
malesurvivor.org
courageoushealers.org
Call 760-346-4606
catbaum@earthlink.
OperaArts.org
If you are a Man who has been
abused as a child we offer free
group counseling The Third
Tuesday of the Month.  Call
760-346-4606 to sign up
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Our Speakers: Scott Smith,  Carol Teitelbaum, MFT, Randy Boyd, David Price and Daniel Marquez
It Happens To Boys, Too
by Carol Teitelbaum

One in four boys will be sexually abused this year and they won’t tell a soul. Instead,
they will repress their feelings, try to forget the abuse never happened and simply
move on.

But these boys won’t really move on. Emotionally they will stay frozen in the space of
the abuse while going through the motions of an ordinary life. They may physically
grow, excel in certain areas and even do a good job at feigning normality but
eventually their lives will start to exhibit the inevitable signs of the unresolved abuse
brought about through conscious and subconscious triggers. This may manifest as
problems with intimate relationships, rage at authority, an inability to follow through,
lowered self esteem, self-medication through addiction to drugs and alcohol, reliance
on porn and other deviant measures for arousal, self destructive tendencies and
severe depression.

Why don’t boys tell? Society as a whole hasn’t done a very good job at making the
male sex feel comfortable with sharing their feelings in general let alone the ones that
make them feel raw, exposed and scared. Boys are told from a very early age to be
“manly” not “wimpy” and unfortunately learn that showing emotions and pain coincide
with the latter. When abused by women, some boys are afraid to tell because they
think other boys will make fun of them for not liking it. Or they are afraid other boys will
mock them for complaining about it. Alternatively, if boys are abused by men, they fear
their peers will now think they are gay. It the abused boy is gay, he will dread being
told by others that he indeed wanted it or asked for it. Even though this type of abuse
is about gaining power over someone else and not sexual identity, the shame and
embarrassment that oftentimes ensues around sexuality in young people also causes
them to remain tight-lipped. In all of these cases, it’s an unfortunate truth that boys
prefer to keep the abuse inside and pretend it never occurred.

It’s our job as professionals in the healing fields to destroy these myths and create
new dialogues where boys can feel safe not only to share but also to participate in their
own healing. We need to educate our teachers and parents about this epidemic and
arm them with tools on not only teaching boys early that manhood contains both
strong masculinity and authentic vulnerability but that it’s okay and essential to talk
about these things that happen to them without feeling ashamed. We need to create
dialogues that support this new direction in schools and communities so that we can
reach these boys while they are young, not merely waiting to address the problems
that come out later in life when they’ve already become accustomed to the jails and
rehab centers. Let’s teach them how to start up the hill from the bottom rather than
waiting until they fall off and hit rock bottom.
Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference
"It Happens To Boys" Conference
is the most professionally fulfilling
conference I participate in thanks to
the quality of speakers, the
excellent and engaging topics and
presentations but also due the high
quality of production that Carol and
her staff provides. I very much look
forward to participating in next
year's event knowing it will be
powerful and life-changing for
those who participate."

John Lee  Author of the Flying Boy
and Half-Lived Life
It's inspiring to participate in a
conference where acknowledging  
the impact of trauma on men's lives
and pursuing a complex
understanding of men's behaviors
are accepted as the foundations of
the work rather than being
considered re voluntary ideas!"

Peter Pollard, MPA
1 in 6
To Have our group present our "It Happens to Boys" workshop at your
facility, school, or conference.  This is a one and a half to two hour
workshop covering aspects of abuse, trauma, addiction, and recovery. We
have been working together for the past 7 years to educate and help
healing happen.
Please contact:
Carol Teitelbaum, MFT 760-346-4606
Accepting Sponsors and
Exhibitors for 2015
Please call Carol
Teitelbaum 760-346-4606
We have exciting
speakers already signed
up.
Thank you to our wonderful speakers this year's conferences were the
best ever. Jerry Moe, Allen Berger, Dan Griffin, Tonya Meeks, Scott
Johnson, Randy Boyd, Scott Smith, Daniel Marquez, David Price, and
of course our opening Guru, Patrick Haggerson
To Help us keep offering
free counseling to men
and teen boys who so
desperately need it.  
Please help.